The Girl with the curly hair

If you're following my blog from the very beginning, you'd probably know who the girl with the curly hair is.
She's the one who was so deeply hurt, wounded and weakened by the people she cherished the most. The girl with the curly hair had gone through tough times, dated the wrong guys, stuck her nose where it didn't belong and most of all, she was the one who never had the timing as her strongest suit. Nevertheless, the girl with the curly hair did have a lot of fun. Despite crying in the middle of the night and walking herself alone in the morning after a really epic night of drinking and trying to forget the things that hurt. Chugging down an enormous amount of alcohol she knew she couldn't even take anymore, letting it get through her system and enduring the pain of a really terrible hang over. I can still remember the girl with the curly hair, she was stubborn but strong, impatient but always hoping for the best, demanding because she knows what she wants and most of all she was loving, in a way where she could most certainly hug someone who's been broken without noticing she's been crushing herself too.

The girl with the curly hair, everyone knew her story. She was like a cautionary tale. But just like any other human being, she was simple, uncomplicated, vulnerable and distraught. It was so easy to recognize the girl with the curly hair. She's the one you often see reading romantic novels at local bookstores, hoping that one day she'd meet a guy who reads the same books. She's the one who eats her heart out alone in a fancy restaurant just 'cause she wanted to feel good about herself once in a while. She's the one who laughs so hard because just by being able to laugh was already a big deal for her. She's the one who often hangs around at coffee shops, holding a book with a very nice front cover and reads it like she was lost in a different world. She's the one who drunkenly stumbles on her way home after a party because she had no one to drive her. She's the one who managed to keep it going despite the million and one thing that crushed her entire being.

The girl with the curly hair who wished and wished upon shooting stars, even if they're not really shooting stars. She'd take any wish she could get. I know all these things about her because the girl with the curly hair.. was me.

Back then, I wished there was a book I could read, a Youtube tutorial that I could watch or a guide I could follow on how to survive being alone. But na-dah, none, there was nothing but a bunch of crap that'd tell you 'it's going to be fine' or 'it'll get better'. No it did not get better, I just got used to it. Since there wasn't any How to's about it, I had to experiment and test the waters myself. It was trial and error, like I'm dipping my toes in the pool for the first time to know if it feels cold or not. I had done so many crazy things to survive.

  Based on the things I have read during my research, people who are feeling distress should make themselves busy so that's what I did. I worked out, enrolled myself in a Fashion Design class, focused on learning and trying something new and tried to smile during the process of healing myself. I always knew shopping would cure me so I shopped and shopped and shopped... I pampered myself very well, I made sure I looked pleasant and appealing everyday. I didn't want to get out of the house looking like shit and I really gave a damn about how people sees me. I guess that's what being alone does to you, I mean, you tend to feel like you're obliged to look nice just so people won't give you the pity eyes. And I of course, made sure I looked okay every time because I was always hoping that a guy would actually take interest on me - which by the way, they did but it's not always the kind of love story that you'd like to get. I've never really read anything about how to date guys so I just jumped on dates after dates, always hoping to get the best out of it. But voila! I was wrong.

You see, the girl with the curly hair's mistake was, she thought she'd feel better if she does certain things but in reality, there isn't really anything that could help you. There's just time. Time to breathe, time to accept, time to heal. Looking back, I realized that I tried so hard to make myself better when I should've just let it go. That's the problem with most of us. We are so scared of the pain to the point where we try so hard to skip that part. Being alone wasn't the problem, being in pain was. I knew I always felt relieved when I was surrounded by people but by the time that I was alone, it felt empty and scary. 

So if you're hurting, feel it. Feel it with all your heart and your entire being because by the time that you get over it, you will feel refreshed and you will literally feel brand new. And when you finally meet someone that doesn't make you feel so alone, you're gonna want them like you've never been hurt before. Just like the girl with the curly hair.. When the time is right you'll finally let it go, and you'll finally cut that hair short.

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